I started a rough draft trying to determine if there was even enough content to write about the Gentleman. Oh boy, there was enough for many, many stories. All the dumb shit things he does and drags me into never seems to end.
But before we get started, here’s a little window into the differences between the 2 of us. I believe it will clear up any confusion you may have before this story gets underway.
I’m the youngest of 3 girls, I wore only snap up the leg pajamas or whatever they are called (don’t judge me, I don’t’ have kids) until I was a toddler after that, I got all my sisters hand-me-downs and an occasional outfit my grandmother would sew for me. And he was the youngest brother of only girls and got a closet full of his own, never preowned nor handmade clothes.
As a kid, in the summer I swam in the ditch out by the road at the house when it filled up with rainwater, dead worms, E. coli and the chemical runoff from the farm fields. It’s fine, I’m normal. He spent summers at hockey camp.
Growing up I ate pork chops off the bone like a savage, barbeque sauce smeared all over my face and dripping from my dirty little fingers. Not only does he know what fork to use with what course, but he also knows what the spoon above your plate is for. Him and his fancy cloth napkins.
So, in conclusion, I grew up feral and he actually went to boarding school at 14.
Fast forward to present day. Where we are, there is a path that goes behind a row of RVs between he and I where we gain access to the parking lot behind us to walk our dogs. And on that path, a blackbird decided to nest in a palm tree, and blackbirds do not like anything near their nests. So, I get a text that says, “There is a crazy bird that attacked us (him and his dog) over by you.” Roxy and I had already been pecked once at this point so I knew exactly what he was talking about. But Blackbirds will retreat when you turn and face them. They will make a call before they come in. So, when you hear that call, turn around to face them and they will fly away. Do you think I told him this little bit of knowledge?
Absolutely not.
I had laughs for days. I watched it chase him down and peck him and his dog so many times, it never got old. And a few times he brought his hockey stick for protection, missing every time. How’s that boarding school working for you now? That bird, and sometimes it’s mate, attacking him was the highlight of my day. I’m already ready for nesting season next year.
A few months go by, and I get a text that says, “Where are you? We need to save a bird.”
See this is where he comes in with the “we” shit. His dog dug up a nest of bunnies. Who does he call so that “we” can save them? That’s right, me. Who saved them? Also me. Any guesses on who was petrified to even touch one? You know how this goes.
Anyway, I was finishing up Roxy’s walk at the park and I asked him where it was. He didn’t need to answer because as I backed into my space, I see him wildly waving a broom around in the air. Nothing he does surprises me; I just sigh and go save him from his latest predicament.
I walk down there to an empty, overturned flowerpot and him shouting, “Watch out! They are everywhere! They are all dive bombing me all at the same time!” broom still going like he’s fighting the Cobra Kai for his life as the birds are coming from all directions. I look through the holes in the bottom of the pot and see that it’s a Bluejay fledgling. I hung my head and lifted the pot. And then the attack was really on.
Bluejays are one of the most aggressive birds on the planet when it comes to their young. They are mean as shit and they attack in numbers. Big numbers. And he had managed to piss off an entire flock that was trying to protect a little one that was just learning to fly.
When I released his prisoner, he was in a panic thinking I had just delivered the baby bird into certain death as it hopped under his truck to safety. I moved us both back, away from the bird and the assault abruptly ended. Like magic. But he didn’t stop his protest that I had just murdered a baby Bluejay even as I walked away shaking my head.
Sometimes he needs saved from himself. We are just friends and will always be because just like everyone else, he is part of this journey I am on. And he’s actually quite funny and witty. I can read through his text messages and know when I have clearly gotten the best of him at an insult volley. But he’s a great opponent, nonetheless.
I went through some travel photos and pulled a few out that I had almost forgotten all about, a few super cool and some weird too.
Live Oak, FL
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