I often wonder, am I doing this right?
I struggle with living in the present and sharing the present with the world.
I wrestle with giving up on writing and the decision to carry it on.
This is all real life, real life for more than just me. When we started this journey over 8 months ago, I wanted to document it and bring it to you. To start my own website and have the freedom to tell you about our adventures, good and bad.
All of that has gotten lost along the way. Somehow, somewhere.
Maybe it’s the winter blues, maybe it’s the constant pressure of failure and perfection, maybe the fear of rejection is something I will never get over. Your guess is as good as mine.
One thing I do know is my identity and safety for the majority of my life was people. Listening to, caring for and helping people. I didn’t struggle with the constant threat of defeat because I knew my craft. I was a hairdresser by choice and a care giver by chance, and I was damn good at it.
I do not miss the hair, but I miss people. I miss the friendships, the victories and the setbacks, the acceptance and the nurturing. And of course, I miss the shenanigans and ridiculousness of it all. Which quite honestly may have been the only things that kept me going back day after day.
So, I’m going to try something new, yet again, on this blog and to see if it gets me where I know I deserve to be. I may be reaching out to you individually to help with some various projects and stories, and you are absolutely obligated to help me, so don’t try to get out of it. I am going to reconnect, build and focus on friendships and relationships. I want this to be a platform to engage with you, ask questions, and make up lies for answers, on both sides. I want you to feel like you are more than an email address, I want to get to know more about you…well some of you. Kidding. Equal opportunity exploiter here.
So, when I get a little quiet, I am working on it, working on me, I’m working on getting back at it and I’m working on the confidence I need to bring you all the good stuff you are looking for in your inbox.
In the meantime, I have sent out my latest batch of post card photos to you guys. So, if you get a rando message from me, it really is me looking for your address to send you a photo of something interesting we have seen along the way and not to peek in your windows at night. You can give me your address, the address of the person down the street or the address of that person that you enjoy signing up for free shit, the choice is yours. I still have a very short list of people that haven’t received a photo yet (Yay me for nearly completing something!). But I am nearly Florida-ed out. I can’t believe those words just came out of my own mouth. But Florida has 100% knocked me in the dirt and rubbed my face in it this trip and I am on a very fast track to get the hell out of here mid-February. I will get more pictures of the mountains on our way back north and get those out to the few of you that haven’t heard from me yet. Sit tight, it will happen.
And for the last announcement of this shifting blog post…
WE ARE CURRENTLY 102 SUBSCRIBERS STRONG!!! I often find it hard to believe 10 of you would tune into hear what I have to say. Well, the 10 over the boat load of my family I guilted into subscribing or we would no longer publicly be related.
Thank you everyone for believing in me. I’m going to push forward and produce what I know I’m capable of. But first, a drink to toast that I can actually get this damn post onto the internet and out to your inbox in a timely manner. Anyone else sick of technology, social media, and their anxiety kicking the shit out of them? Or is it just me?
