Errands

How was your Saturday? 

Oh, that’s nice. 

Now let me tell you about mine. 

I started out early to run some errands. First stop was a car wash I don’t normally use. My regular joint is north, and I needed to go south. I HATE car washes. The ones you drive through. You have to line your tire up just right and I can’t be trusted to do most things, let alone anything that could make me go off the rails, literally. And I get motion sickness because I feel like I’m going through them at 500mph because I can’t center myself. All that soap blocking my vision makes my head spin. 

One clean car later and I’m off to the next stop. I exit the car, click the lock button on the door and set off to tackle my list. I round the store, pay for my goods and roll the cart to the car and press the button on the door handle. 

*Click 

I pull the handle, locked. Do it again. Still with the click and still with the lock. Sigh. I get my keys out and hit the unlock button.  

*Click

Locked.

Now panic sets in. I can’t get into my car. I have to get a cart load of shit and myself inside and I’m standing out in the 982° heat not able to do either. Being the problem solver I am, I hit the button to pop the back hatch. 

Of course, it opens. Why wouldn’t I have to get into my car through the back. Thanks whatever negative bullshit I carry around. Appreciate it. Because this isn’t embarrassing at all.

Off to my next stop and thinking it was a fluke, when will I learn it’s not a fluke with me? Never. That’s when. 

I head into Beall’s to find something, anything. I have to ride the wave of dopamine when it hits to go clothes shopping because I’m usually disappointed before I even leave the RV when I HAVE to find something. Nothing fits right. I look homeless. I look like I have 15 cats. I look like a sausage trying to escape its casing. Anyway, I pick a few items, head to the changing room, and we’re off to the races. 

First shirt…keeper. Fits great. Looks great. Fairly priced. We have officially started the “keep” pile. Clapping and rubbing my hands together, I can’t wait for the next piece. I pull it off the hanger turning it over and over to find out how I get into this garment. Where is the hole? [Insert all the “That’s what he said” jokes] I can’t even find where my head goes, let alone where either arm goes. Apparently, Tara’s motto is “When in doubt, go all in!” This tiny piece of fabric was not going to get the best of me, if it’s the last thing I do!

I took a deep breath, stretched, twisted, pulled and prayed to baby Jesus until it submitted, and I had it covering my body. 

Nope. It had potential, it really did. Just enough and not enough all at the same time. Even though I had to be a contortionist to get the damn thing on. Listen…I’ll do what I have to do to look good. We all know this already. But not one part of my body looked happy in this ensemble. NONE of it.

So, I’m standing in this fitting room wondering if I should just walk out, have the cashier scan me, pay for it, and go home and cut this fucking thing off my body or try and dislocate my shoulder to get it off. I can only imagine what the people in the other fitting rooms were thinking when they heard me laughing next to them. 

Carefully pulling the fabric over, around, upside down, through and in between, I get this contraption off. I promptly put the keep plie shirt back on the hanger, exit the store, climb through the back of the Equinox, and drive away. 

On to my next stop.

I make my way through Publix and as I’m loading my groceries and myself to go home, the cart retriever asks me, “Why are you going in that way?”

Listen friend, I wish I knew. I wish I knew why half of this shit happens to me but here we are. 

Roxy and I are still in Port St. Lucie, FL. Travel may look different for us come next summer. I’m hoping to wander around a little bit but winter here. I miss the west and Montana and all of the open space. But I’ve made some really good friendships here that I don’t want to leave just yet. And in case you missed it, one of my step brats moved here and leaving him permanently isn’t an option for me right now. Still trying to get his sister down here. Maybe one day.

There is so much of my life and experiences I keep private. I’m an introvert, it’s what we do. But when I write, I want to show you some of the amazing things we have seen on our travels. None of these are current photos of our travels but beautiful photos of our travels, nonetheless. Enjoy.